Be Happy With Me
by LisaDouglas
Summary: Timothy comes to Jude with a shocking proposal that isn't all it seems to be.
1. The Proposal

Ch 1- The Proposal

"Hello Jude." Timothy smiled, knocking on her office door as he opened it.

"Oh!" Jude cried, looking up at Timothy. "I'm sorry Monsignor I wasn't expecting ya far…" Jude quickly tried to gather some of the many papers piled on her desk. She'd thought Timothy was coming later in the day and had yet to tidy the office.

"It's alright." He said, closing the office door behind him. "I came for, well what's quite an informal reason."

"Oh?"

"Yes well." He began as he sat down.

Timothy took a deep breath rubbing his palms against his pant's legs, noting they were sweaty. It wasn't often he was nervous like this. He paused for a moment, thinking about how he would explain his very far-fetched request. It was a life-changing thing and Timothy was afraid she'd think he was insane or worse, despicable.

"Jude you are my rare bird, you know of my private hopes and dreams…"

"Rome." She smiled warmly of the dream they shared together.

"Yes. Rome…I trust you Jude, you know that…you are a wonderful, and honest friend and my…my partner."

Jude smiled, blushing a moment when he said she was his partner. Her smile wasn't lost on him, in fact he found it soothing and it gave him the confidence to continue on with both his explanation and his request.

"Jude, I've come here to let you know I." He bit his lip. "Well Jude I'm considering taking my life in a different direction."

"Oh?" She was surprised.

Jude could feel her heart sinking, thinking that he was going to cut her out of his life after all she'd given to him. In many ways, he was her life. She swallowed the lump in her throat as he continued talking.

"You see Jude. I'm a man with two home countries. And do you know what?" She shook her head. "There will never be a Pope from either of them…not in our lifetimes… I love the church but…I feel a calling to go and live a different life now, I-I have for a while."

"W-what?" Jude was overwhelmed, understanding what he was saying finally. "Are ya leavin' the church?"

"Yes." He shook his head. "I-I am."

"What about being a Cardinal isn't…"

He sighed. "I know in my heart of hearts that I would love being a Cardinal."

"Then what's the problem?"

"Jude, there's…there's another side of life I-I'm feeling drawn to. I can't…I can't get it out of my mind and I think its where I'm supposed to be."

"Oh?" She said very little, wanting him to explain himself.

"You see. I'd like to be a family man… Jude."

"Oh…"

Now Jude felt sick. He was the only man she'd ever been able to love and nurture and now here he was, wanting to go away, to leave her in pursuit of the one thing she couldn't give him…the one thing she thought he didn't want. Jude could feel her very soul begin to ache.

"But the thing is I've wasted so much time…and I can't waste anymore not if I want to make this happen…not that my service to God has been a waste. But I've been praying about this new path for a while and I feel it's the right time for me to go."

"Why would you want this?" She asked, almost pleading with him to explain.

"I came to this country for a handful of reasons Jude: the war, the church, the land its self. It's beautiful land. I want to go out and live on the land God made, to enjoy nature, to grow things, and breathe fresh air…"

"Timothy, are ya havin' some kind of midlife…"

"And I want deeply, to share all of that with a woman."

"Oh." She'd kind of gathered that but was very surprised to hear him say it. "Do ya, do ya have a special woman i-in mind Timothy?" She was beyond crushed.

Here she'd loved him and had given him her life and he wanted to leave the church with a woman: he wanted to replace her. Feelings of doubt and pain began to flood Jude's mind and she almost started to cry. Had he been having an affair with someone else all this time she'd been catering to him and worse falling in love with him? Jude sighed realizing that everything in life was truly too good to be true and always would be.

"Well yes." He admitted. Jude's breath caught in her throat and she felt like she couldn't breathe after a moment.

"See Jude I've bought some land, up in Vermont. It's beautiful up there this time of year and I'm going to be leaving first thing Monday morning. There's just one thing."

"I guess is this good-bye Timothy." She said, tearing up. "Will ya visit?"

"Jude." He began, reaching across the table and grabbing her chin, raising her eyes to meet his gaze. She wanted to pull away but did not. "Jude I've waited and wondered about this a long time…and I don't want to have to waste more time looking for a mate. I'd like for you come with me to Vermont and be my wife."

"W-what?" She asked, tears rolling down her cheeks now.

"I know it must sound so strange to you…the man who wanted more than anything to become Pope… but you see Jude. You make me dinner, and you care for me…and those things they fill me with such joy, and love…and lust."

Jude looked up at him again when he said lust. "Timothy are ya sure that…"

"You're my rare bird and my best friend. You try to hide it, but I know you love me, and don't want me to walk out that door with out you, that's right, isn't it?"

She nodded, admitting her feelings with one swift, simple motion and he continued.

"You see, I started planning this with you in mind. I realized there's no one I could do this with but my rare bird…I love her and if I left her behind I'd regret it for the rest of my life."

"Timothy a-are ya…"

"I'm asking you to leave the church and become my wife. It's a big thing…you don't have to answer right away Jude."

She was overwhelmed and didn't know what to say.

"Timothy…do ya want children?" She considered quickly. She was shocked by the suddenness of all this and suspicious as well. There was so much to say, but she felt she must discuss this with him first.

"Yes I do!" He smiled and her heart sunk. "Think about it, we would have lovely children, you and I." She hung her head low, continuing to sob. "Jude I have to admit that I…I've been thinking about it."

"Then ya should find someone else, Timothy."

"Oh…would you not want…"

He was surprised. He'd always thought she'd be wonderful with children and when he started wanting some of his own, he'd been unable to imagine any Mother for them but her. It was part of what had brought him to this decision in the first place. He found that he was wholly captivated by the idea of having a son with her eyes or a daughter with her smile. And after a while of thinking about them…and thinking about her in a litany of other ways he didn't want to consider while he was standing helpless before her, begging her to want him…well it just didn't seem right to be a priest anymore.

"I want children more than anything in the world, and I would love to have them with you. But I can't have any Timothy…I'm sterile."

She put her head down, never expecting that after all these years and her time as a nun, she would get a painful marriage proposal like this that hinged on her being able to bare a child. She still wanted desperately to have children and had never been able to break herself of her desire for them. Jude sighed as she started to sob.

"Oh…" He paused, devastated by this news. "Oh my Jude it's alright. In that case, we will just be a very lovely couple." He smiled. He didn't really know how he felt about going childless but he knew having Jude met the world to him. "And perhaps someday a child will come into our life in a different way."

"Ya-ya'd still want me?" She asked, surprised. He smiled and came around to the side of her desk.

"Yes." He laughed, getting down on one knee. She gasped and covered her mouth with her hand still unable to believe this was happening.

"Timothy we…we're not havin' an affair, we haven't dated….we never even kissed and yar asking me ta give everything up and marry you!"

"You are ideal for me Jude. What you don't know is that I think about you day and night." She was perplexed to hear him say this. "You love me and I love you….we've just been hiding it, even from each other for the longest time."

Jude nodded again, in acknowledgment. His words summarized the way she felt for him, and she could barely believe he might feel similarly.

"So if you'll do me the honor. Come away with me for the rest of our days, be my wife and be happy with me. It's a big decision, I know. It's going to uproot my whole life and yours should you come but…I know it'll be a happy life and there's no one else I'd rather share it with."

"Oh yes Timothy." She said, wiping her tears. "Yes, yes I'll marry you."

Jude was about to ask if he was sure once again; after all, they'd never even kissed. Instead, Timothy leaned down over her before she could speak pressing his lips to hers, his tongue urging her to open her mouth. She gasped as they kissed, wrapping her arms around his neck and very suddenly her mind dismissed all her qualms and questions about his very sudden proposal and she just melted into his mouth.

Timothy was being very sincere about his feelings for Jude, his wish to live in the country and his desire to become a Father. What Jude didn't realize was that her husband to be had some very concerning ulterior motives.


	2. Some First Date

Ch 2- Some First Date

Jude made her way down Briarcliff's massive, imposing steps just before sunrise on Monday morning, slipping quickly into Timothy's waiting car.

"Ya came!" She said; taking off the scarf she had tied over her head. She had worn it as a disguise, not wanting any other nuns who might be awake to notice her on her way out.

"Of course." He greeted her with a smile, leaning over to kiss her lips.

Jude closed her eyes, unable to help but sink deep into his kiss. She had woken up an hour before to get ready and finish packing her few belongings. She hadn't really needed an hour, but had taken time to sit in front of the mirror and take a long look at herself. Jude was unsure if she really wanted to do this. She'd had a nice life as a nun…actually; it had arguably been the best part of her life. She didn't want to ruin that for anyone's sake, even the man she loved. After all, men had brought her a lot of trouble in her life. She was leery of doing this: but something inside her urged her to go on and do what he wished, telling her that far better things lay ahead.

"Do ya…do ya really want ta do this?" She asked.

It wasn't that she didn't. Her concerns about running off with him went far deeper than just simply wanting or not wanting.

"Of course." He smiled, taking her hand and squeezing it. "Are you ready?" The thought that she was hesitating didn't cross his mind. He couldn't afford

for it to. Jude looked back up at Briarcliff and nodded once. He kissed her again and put the car in drive.

"Where are we goin'?" She asked.

"To see Father Malachi."

"Oh…" Jude hesitated. "That's right…"

She hadn't been looking forward to this part; she didn't really want to take back her vows… at the same time; something in her heart wanted to give herself to Timothy more than anything in the world. She relished the possibility of being more to him than just a simple nun; the idea seemed so much more than appealing, it just seemed right.

"Are you alright you seem…quiet." He inquired after a few moments.

"Y-yes Timothy it's just a lot ta think about."

"Yes it is." He confessed. "Do you really want to do this?" He inquired, stopping at a red light.

Jude looked into his eyes sensing pain in his voice when he asked this. He looked down for a moment, the anticipation of looming rejection evident in his eyes.

"Oh yes." She smiled. "I just…I can't believe ya do…the man who wanted ta become Pope."

"I know it doesn't make a lot of sense to you Jude." He began, placing his hand on her knee as he started to drive again. "But I love you, I've always loved you and for a long time I didn't know what it was, and slowly I began to realize but I denied my feelings…and then I started wanting this other life…and wanting you to be a substantial part of it…and eventually I realized I had nothing to loose in asking you." He smiled.

This was all true, but of course there was more to it than that. He'd done it, not just for his pleasure but to save her.

"And you accepted." He said, brushing his hand up her thigh ever so slightly, she shivered electrified by the softness of his hands. "So what do you think Mrs. Howard…or do you still want to be…"

"Yes." She said quickly. "And I understand now." Or at least she thought she did. She looked up when he took his hand off her knee and put the car in park.

"Well, we're here."

The two climbed out of the car, hesitating for a minute as they looked up at the grand old church, both knowing they could both easily turn back at this point: it wasn't too late. Both considered it momentarily, but found themselves, reaching for each other's hand. In that instant, all of their hesitancy disappeared and he kissed her fist, bringing it up and holding it close to his heart.

"Are you ready?" He asked again.

"More than ever."

…

Their meeting with Father Malachi went only as well as could've been expected. He was displeased; almost disgusted with them it seemed. Well, at least at first. By the end of their conversation (a teary-eyed discussion in Jude's case), Father Malachi couldn't help but try to put himself in their shoes. He supposed if he'd fallen in love with someone, and desired them, and discovered the feeling was mutual be would've left the church too: after all it was only right that way. Father Malachi extended his blessings to the new couple and wished them well, asking them to keep in touch.

Timothy held Jude's hand, squeezing it tightly as they walked out of Father Malachi's office and back to the car, the gentle squeeze of his hand was the only thing that seemed to calm her now; after all, she'd just given up her life and didn't know what lay ahead. Little did she know he felt similarly in some way.

"You're still scared." Timothy accessed, stopping once they were on the church's steps.

"Yes." She confessed, searching his eyes. "Just a little bit."

"That's alright. I am too." He smiled. "Is there anything I can do to remedy that, my beautiful bride?"

She blushed when he called her this, gasping a little when he moved in and wrapped his arms around her waist. She settled into his embrace quickly and sighed. She couldn't believe he was holding her like this…and on the steps of the church. Jude paused, watching some other nuns glance at them as they walked up the steps, a few of them seeming to recognize Timothy as the Monsignor…and then she realized the word wasn't _other _anymore. They were nuns and she was someone's fiancé. She could barely fathom it.

"How about this?" He suggested. "Let's go out to breakfast, and then after that, we'll spend the day together and do whatever you like."

"Like a date?"

"Yes." He laughed. "Like a date."

…

Timothy and Jude had had many meals together over the time they'd known each other and despite being engaged, they'd never been on a date. Jude had questioned him about going to Vermont, but Timothy had told her he didn't want their new life to be about burdens and deadlines. Instead, he'd insisted they spend the morning doing things on a whim and doing them together. The couple abandoned their cares, both trying to shed all sense of nervousness and expectation about their newfound relationship as they climbed out of the car. Hand in hand they made their way down the quiet Boston street; planning to have a romantic breakfast at this French place on the corner.

It was early in the morning and shops were just beginning to open up for the day. Timothy stopped, pulling Jude back toward him suddenly when the florist's shop opened their door.

"Far me?" She asked, when he handed her a single long-stemmed red rose.

"For my love." He smiled.

Jude closed her eyes and buried her nose in the flower for a moment. No one had ever bought her a flower before, and she planned on pressing it when she got to her new, still unknown home and saving it as it was her first gift from her new husband. Timothy couldn't have known how much the flower met to her: it was like a symbol of hope for the future, and a promise that pain of the past would plague her no more.

"I have more gifts for you actually." Timothy told her once they sat down to breakfast. She looked up in surprise.

"Far me? But Timothy I…"

"The bride is supposed to have gifts." He reminded.

"But Timothy…"

"But Jude, you see, this one is very special. I could not give it to you at Briarcliff. It wasn't safe there and we were not yet free." He smiled as he reached into his jacket pocket. "But I have had this for a while."

Jude had to admit she felt a twinge of anticipation when he placed a very small box in front of her on the table. She knew right away what it was.

"Far me?" She asked again.

"For my bride." He laughed.

He reached across the table and opened the box, revealing a beautiful little diamond ring, not too big, not too tiny, and brilliantly clear.

"Oh Timothy!" She could hardly believe this was something he wanted her to wear everyday: it looked almost too good to be true.

"Marry me tomorrow." He said, slipping the ring onto her finger.

"Oh Timothy." She leaned across the table and kissed him softly. He smiled deeply, himself still getting used to the feel of her kisses. "Oh yes Timothy, lets do it right away."

…..

A couple of hours later, after a wonderful morning Timothy and Jude left Boston: happier with their decision to run away together than ever before. Both had gone their separate ways briefly to buy some things to prepare for their wedding, mostly surprises they would not reveal to each other until the day and the night of.

Jude had to admit that she felt the little bit of tension and nervousness between them begin to thin that morning. Even though they loved each other and had been close for years, they were not bonded as a couple yet and sometimes, this all felt a little weird to her, even though it was something they both deeply desired. She knew that soon the awkwardness would be a distant memory: she could feel it in the way he held her hand. Timothy felt similarly, realizing they were adapting to each other's affectionate company very quickly. Even after a few hours, it was almost becoming second nature to hold her hand, to call her his bride and his love.

Around two-thirty they began their drive up to the land Timothy owned in Vermont. It was a long drive, and Jude found herself leaning against him, her head on his shoulder as he drove.

"I hope you like our new home." He began.

She smiled, just satisfied with the idea that the home was theirs and theirs alone. He was nervous about what she would think. He thought it was a lovely place, and while it was in slight disrepair due to its age, he took a lot of pride in it and what it could be. Most of all, he couldn't wait to share it with her.

"What's it like?" She asked.

"Well…I bought it with you in mind, my Jude. It's a beautiful old farmhouse, on a few acres of land, mostly apple orchards."

"Um…apples in the fall, that sounds really wonderful Timothy."

"We aren't too far from the edge of town. It's the kind of place where you can walk to the cinema but still sleep privately under the stars at night, its like a little oasis Jude."

She didn't elaborate, but this kind of life appealed to her, it was far different from any other way she'd ever lived and she found the idea of being out alone with him romantic.

He paused for a moment, he thought of his new acquisition as an ideal place to live and for that reason, he'd thought it would've been an ideal place to raise a baby…or three; three was what he had wanted. Timothy had gotten his hopes up on that front without ever consulting her and he realized that was a mistake. Not being able to have children was going to take some getting used to for him. It hurt him, but he would not tell her that. Even without explanation for her inability to have a baby, he sensed it hurt her far worse than it did him. Timothy sighed. Upon reflection he realized he'd much rather have her and only her by his side all his days than marry a woman he could have children with. He smiled, and continued to speak; once more reassured she was the only woman in the world for him.

"Now, I won't lie…the place needs some work and I haven't done all that much to it. I hoped, you see, that you'd help fix it up, and of course that you'd make most of the decisions about what you want done for me."

She laughed. "I think I can arrange that Timothy."

"We also don't have much…not right now." He continued.

"What do ya mean?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Well, it came partially furnished, so, we'll have to take care of most of that. Just about all we have is a bed and a stove." He laughed nervously.

Jude paused when he said the word bed, wondering if that met they would share a bed for the first time that night. She hadn't wanted to until after the wedding. It wasn't like she was all that pure, but this was supposed to be a fresh start.

An hour or so later, Timothy turned down a long gravel road, lined with tall trees adorned with crisp golden leaves which were just beginning to fall. The golden leaves shined perfectly as they made their way to the ground below, glimmering in the foreground of the slowly setting sun. Both of them remained focused on the house and land ahead, full of anticipation for different reasons.

"Oh Timothy, it's beautiful!" She squealed, surprised when the two-story farmhouse came into view.

The place was picture-esq. Jude could see that it was very old and in need of work, but that didn't take away from the fact that it was simply lovely. It was made of wood and stone and covered in ivy. She continued to stare at it as they climbed out of the car and didn't seem to notice at first when Timothy came to her side.

"Welcome to our home Jude." He said, she looked back at him and then at the house, paused in thought for a moment as she began to cry.

"J-Jude what's wrong?!" He asked quickly.

"I-it's just…it's just so lovely, and ya said home, that it was our home. And I've never really had a home befare."

His heart sunk when she said this, he did not realize this about her and it made him all the more glad he'd decided to ask her to be his family. He smiled kindly and lifted her into his arms, she squealed in surprise.

"Do not cry, my Jude." He said, lowering his head and placing his forehead gently against hers. She looked up, her eyes full of tears as he began to walk up the steps to the house. She knew now that he planned to carry her over the threshold. "You're at home and deeply loved, at long last."


	3. The Garden

Ch 3- The Garden

Timothy's heart raced in anticipation as he carried his bride to be over the threshold of their new home. He was anxious about what she might say and found himself fearing that she wouldn't like it.

"Oh Timothy it…it wow its so big." She remarked as he put her down. Jude was awed she'd never lived in a place so spacious…. or in a house that wasn't a convent, before. He watched, surprised as her eyes sparkled.

"You like it?"

"Like it? Oh Timothy it's perfect."

Jude was touched that he'd want to give her a home like this and was sure she would start to cry any moment because she was so overwhelmed by it all. The house was very cozy and traditional and even just in the threshold, Jude knew it was everything she'd ever dreamed. A large living room was off to their left, complete with a huge hearth. Straight ahead, and to the right was the dining room, and behind that, Jude could see a separate kitchen attached by a propped open swinging door, and of course, straight ahead, were the stairs. Even from here she could see why he'd wanted and expected to add children to the mix. Unfortunately, the house was perfect for children and while she liked the place; something about her new home made her feel all the worse for being unable to have any.

"Come now; I have lots of things to show you. It's really the perfect house you see." He said, taking her hand and leading her back toward the kitchen. "Just look out the back."

"Wow." Jude gasped, her eyes widening when she first saw the garden.

"I know…" He said, wrapping his arms around her from behind. "Its what sold me on the place Jude, all of those beautiful flowers."

Jude stared out at the back breakfast nook window at the abundance of flowers. Earlier in the day she'd been overwhelmed that he'd bought her just one flower…and now a whole garden?

"Timothy I…it's beautiful."

"The garden is a wedding present." He said, kissing her cheek from behind. "I'm so glad you like it; my love."

"L-like it…Timothy I'm…" Jude was astonished. Timothy laughed.

"I didn't think one flower was enough, you see."

"I-it's the most beautiful gift that…" She started to cry. He smiled, wiping the tears from her eyes as he kissed her forehead. "I don't have a gift far you that…"

"You came with me." He smiled. "Trust me when I tell you it's all the gift I needed."

"Why me?"

"Because you are you." He explained, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. She began to shiver when he did this. "Before today I'd always wanted to bring you flowers… and then I saw this place while I was up here on a retreat…and the idea of buying you hundreds of them, to make up for all the times I couldn't even buy one… well it was just perfect." He smiled resting his forehead against hers.

"Oh Timothy."

"My proposal doesn't seem to rash all of a sudden, does it?"

"No."

"Perhaps you and I will take a walk in the garden later, there's a lot to see out there. But for now, I'm going to go and get everything out of the car. Look around the house and see what other surprises you find." He kissed her cheek.

"Should I help I…"

"No, no just…just explore, freshen up…the only bathroom with towels is upstairs attached to… well, our room." He said nervously. She found herself starting to shake a little when he called it their room.

"Okay." She whispered.

He kissed her again and left her staring out the window at the garden. Jude wanted to go out the back and explore but instead headed upstairs. Her hand glided easily along the wooden rail of the staircase and she paused for a moment upon reaching the landing, surprised to see so many doors. It seemed like a lot for such an old house. First, she ventured toward the back, and knew within an instant that she'd found the room he'd chosen for them to share. It had a small fireplace, a dresser and a good-sized four-poster bed. Jude took off her shoes and ventured into the bathroom to wash her face. She was tired and thought this might be refreshing after such a long journey.

When she was done she wrapped a towel around her neck and continued to explore the house, finding three smaller empty bedrooms and another bath. She stopped and stared for a moment when she reached the entry of the last bedroom, the only one that wasn't totally empty.

Her heart sunk.

She approached it sadly, running her hand along the wooden edge, her heart heavy at the site of the crib she could not fill for him. He must have really met it about wanting kids if there was already a crib. In that instant she wondered why he wanted her and what she was doing there.

"It's okay." Came a whisper against her neck and she jumped.

"Oh, Timothy it's just you!" She sighed, allowing him to wrap his arms around her from behind, still alarmed that he seemed to have come out of no where.

The not yet wed couple paused and looked down longingly at the empty crib. He knew she hurt and she could swear he almost seemed to rock her as they stood there.

"We will find a way to have a baby Jude, when the time is right. But for now it's time to celebrate. Just you and I."

…

Jude found herself relieved to find that the crib, and every other piece of furniture there, had come with the house. He had not selected anything with any particular expectation, but did admit he'd found the crib an appealing touch.

"If at some time we want to fill it, we will find a way to fill it." He clarified taking her hand in his own as they walked. "And if not, we'll enjoy the garden all the more."

He said nothing more on the matter and began to talk about the wedding. Jude remained silent. She didn't know how they'd ever find a way to fill it and wondered why he was so sure they'd be able to. In that instant she knew she had to tell Timothy more about her past. He had the right to know.

It was late. The moon shone high above, lighting their path as they walked down the narrow country road and back to the house. Timothy seemed to be on cloud nine, but Jude was in a quandary. The discussion of babies was disquieting for her: she knew she couldn't have them. She'd told him that and yet here he was continuing to talk about it if she'd never made mention of her infertility.

The whole thing made Jude feel venerable somehow. His assurance on the subject made her nervous instead of comforted: she couldn't tell if he knew something she didn't, or if perhaps she hadn't been clear enough with him and was leading him down a path that he didn't really want to go on. Jude didn't realize it was the reverse of that: he was keeping something from her.

The couple circled around the house and even though it was dark they'd decided to enter through the backdoor, taking a detour through the garden. The abundance of beautiful flowers was enough to make her forget all her qualms about the impending marriage at least for a few minutes.

"Timothy, it's more beautiful than I could've imagined. Ya know ya didn't answer why ya would do this far me."

The garden was lush and just teeming with roses and chrysanthemums, daisies, and zinnias…every kind of flower Jude could think of seemed to be there. There was a small fountain in the center and a little gazebo covered in ivy at the garden's edge. It was so beautiful and tranquil, like a little slice of heaven. Jude could barely believe she was there and that someone had bought it with her in mind. She took a deep breath, convinced that she'd wake up back at Briarcliff very soon.

Timothy smiled at the question. "I told you: it's because you are you." He said. "As a priest I…I wanted more than anything to bring you white roses. It was something I thought about every time we had dinner together." He laughed. "It was something I had to force myself not to do every week. I had deep feelings for you that started the moment we met, only it took me a long time to figure that out and once I did I couldn't get you out of my head or my heart. I-I knew it was wrong to think of you in those ways, but I found after a time I couldn't help myself anymore Jude. And I decided to take a big chance instead of a little one. I could've brought you flowers at dinner one night; leaving you to think that it was sweet, or that perhaps I did care more for you than I let on…but by then I needed it to mean more because I wanted you more than I ever wanted anything else… and I'd come to a decision, one I could not keep to myself.

So one day, I decided that instead of buying you a few roses, ones that would wither and die there on your table at Briarcliff; I'd buy you hundreds of roses that could live on, nurtured by your beautiful hands." He said, taking her hands and kissing them. "And I couldn't think of a more beautiful way, Jude, to tell you I loved you and wanted to spend the rest of my days by your side."

"Oh Timothy, that's beautiful!"

"I mean every word of it. I hope you understand that, this was something I've been thinking about a while, something that I thought about very carefully. What a beautiful thing it will be to wake up with you every morning and fall asleep with you every night." He whispered, rubbing his nose against hers softly, finally resting his forehead against her own. "I thought I owed it to both of us to, to find out if you felt the same."

"Oh I do my Timothy, I do."

"I-I'm excited for tomorrow Jude," He said, "and so knowing all you know will you still marry me?"

"Yes! Oh yes!" She giggled as he joyfully took her into his arms and began to kiss her.

The two danced the night away in their private little garden. It was one of the sweetest, most intimate nights of Jude's life and she wished she could stay there, stuck in the moment forever. In the future she'd look, back wishing she'd understood what lay ahead. If she had she would've never fought the impulse to run.


	4. With My Body I Thee Worship

Chapter 4- With My Body I Thee Worship

_In the future she'd look, back wishing she'd understood what lay ahead. If she had she would've never fought the impulse to run. _

Six Years From Now

"Ahh! Oh!" Jude sobbed, clutching her cheek and holding it tightly.

She shut her eyes, the noise of his yelling ringing in her ear, pounding along with the sharp sting of the slap and the anguish that reverberated deep inside her heart.

"Please! Please think of your boys! Think about how you used to love me!" She begged, her chocolate brown eyes pooling with tears. "Think about how you used to touch me!'

A mere man would've seen anguish in the eyes of his wife as she pled, but a monster could see nothing but the miserable whims of his own rotted out, embittered soul.

"For better or worse." She reminded as he grabbed her arm, twisting it. She longed for the tenderness in his touch. "Isn't that en-ooow!" She cried out in terror as he pushed her angrily against the wall.

"No, no please!" She turned away, trying to cover her face. "Please!" She held her hands over her face as he slapped her.

"To love and to cherish in sickness and health to death do us part!" She cringed, feeling a punch: this time it was her ribs.

She kept her eyes closed so she wouldn't have to see her worst nightmare coming true, and to avoid the terrified gaze of her tiny sons who hid under the kitchen table.

"With my body I thee worship! Do you remember that Timothy?!" She sobbed, falling onto her knees, practically bowing at his feet as she curled up into a ball, sobbing as another blow stuck her face, and then another, and another and darkness.

….

Jude woke up to the sound of humming, feeling a gentle, familiar breath fall upon her lips before she even opened her eyes. Timothy leaned down, greeting her with a morning kiss. She closed her eyes and tilted her head, leaning into her new husband's embrace, locking her lips with his in a way that felt just right.

"Good morning wife." He whispered, kissing her nose gently as they parted.

"Mmm Timothy." She mumbled, still half asleep. "You were… that was…"

They'd done it: the day before they'd finally gone and gotten married. It was an intimate wedding; just the two of them and a judge but it had been lovely all the same, like something out of a fairy tale. Jude had given up imagining, years before, that anything could be like that. That someone would love her so much. But he did.

"Jude." He whispered her name into her mouth. She kept her eyes closed as Timothy sunk back into her lips, wanting her to know he couldn't get enough of her. "Judy Martin." He continued as she wrapped her arms around him.

_After they'd made their vows, they'd gone out for dancing and an expensive dinner before retreating back to their garden for a moonlight picnic complete with champagne, strawberries and chocolate. Jude didn't like drinking so much, but decided to partake for the sake of celebration, it was, after all her wedding night. A night she had thought would never come. _

_Timothy began to kiss her once the bottle of champagne was almost empty. The clouds began to creep in, crowding out the moonlight overhead and with that the wind picked up. He brought her in close to him, wrapping the blanket they'd brought outside with them around her shoulders once she started to shiver. _

"_I love you." He whispered, caressing her cheek delicately in the palm of his hand. _

"_I love you more." She giggled into his mouth "You're my dream."_

"_Are you ready Jude? To go inside?" She thought he was eager but trying to be polite and found this adorable._

_He was the one who was nervous but she simply nodded. He helped her onto her feet and kissed her again, finding that keeping his lips occupied with hers was key to tempering his angst. He loved the feel of her soft lips brushing gently against his and her breath warming the inside of his mouth. It made him feel so appreciated, so complete and he couldn't wait to be complete and totally whole with her._

_The couple made their way inside, shutting the backdoor behind them as she first shed the blanket she'd had wrapped tightly around her. He ran his fingers through her hair and let it down part of the way. She smiled into his lips as she kissed him, untying the tie he'd warn and tossing it to the ground before going to work unbuttoning his shirt. She felt his heart pounding hard in his chest and laid her palm softly over it. _

"_It's alright sweetheart." She whispered, her breath tickling his lips. "It'll be wonderful I promise." She giggled when she felt his heart jolt at her words. _

_He walked backwards up the steps, fumbling with the buttons on the back of her beige silk dress as he kissed her. He'd never done this before and didn't know if he was going about it the right way. He worried she'd be disappointed with him, knowing that she'd certainly done this before. But she felt sure in his arms. _

_She tilted her head, pursuing him further as they climbed the stairs. She unfastened his belt then un-tucked his shirt from his slacks reaching down to unzip them. She pulled them off quickly causing him to trip, but he managed to step out of them, leaving them on the stairs along with his some of their other garments. In the morning, they'd find their clothes strewn all over the house. _

_He was shocked at first, his eyes widening when she started to undress him, but she pulled him back into her embrace before he could think much about it. He almost tripped, going backwards on the wooden stairs but she caught him by his shirt, keeping him from falling back. Jude returned to her work, running her fingers along his broad shoulders ever so slowly as she began to kiss his chest. In the hall she managed to pull of his shirt. They walked over it and she giggled into his mouth as they finally entered the bedroom. _

"_Don't worry sweet boy I can make you feel real good." She promised, running her fingers up and down his chest._

_He grabbed her jaw, directing her lips back toward his, kissing her hard this time. He watched as her dress began to slide off her shoulders and pooled on the floor, his eyes widening in awe when he finally saw her whole and just for him. He didn't speak; he didn't dare to. He was afraid of doing this, of hurting her, of wasting the moment. He found himself smiling as she made her way back into his embrace once again; her touch put him at ease._

"_J'adore mi rara avis." He whispered, knowing only she could've done this to him, inflicted such a huge turn in his life. _

_She kissed him lustily and he pushed her onto the bed…_

"Did I make you feel real good?" She whispered huskily as he kissed her.

Jude blinked as the sun crept into the room and her new husband continued his lip lock. Timothy couldn't get the thoughts of the previous night out of his head, he was tantalized, intoxicated, bewitched even. He had understood that life with Jude would be different but would've never believed, before this that it would be a whole new world.

"Oh yes Mrs. Howard my love." She squealed at the mention of her new name. "You made me feel oh so wonderful. In fact I think you've opened my eyes." He panted, planting a kiss on her neck.

"Oh Timothy…" She cried. She'd never been with anyone so sweet, or so gentle before and it was the most sensual thing she'd ever experienced.

"I take thee." Timothy whispered, now nibbling on her soft silky skin. She moaned at his touch, still completely intoxicated by him as he was by her. "To be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward." She moaned again as his hands traced softly along her ribs and he continued to suck on her neck.

"Oooh!" She cried out. "My Timothy."

"For better for worse," he continued in between kisses, inching his way down toward her chest. "For richer for poorer, in sickness and in health. To love and to cherish."

"To love honor and obey." She added, craning her neck as he kissed back up to her jaw.

"Till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth. With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship." He whispered, tracing his hand gently along her rib, causing her to close her eyes. "With all thy other worldly goods I thee endow."

He pulled back and just looked into her in the eyes for a moment. She saw nothing but warmth and love there and her own heart started to melt.

"I love you Jude." He whispered. "So much… I didn't think I knew how to love this way, that it was possible. I promise to love and to cherish you all my days and with every move and every breath."

He paused, watching his new wife's eyes fill with tears. She spoke he got a chance to question her.

"With this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship." She whispered, yanking him down toward her and beginning to kiss him once more.


End file.
